Friday, July 15, 2011
Chaos in the Making
You know the days where you think you've got it all planned out and then... SMACK. Your first few hours end up like a fly against a windshield. That's been the past few days for me, as is typical in the life of the Chaos Maker. While I'm used to things usually going all tits up, particularly at work, it's getting a bit repetitious for this one. How long before the breaking point is reached? What is the breaking point? What would make me break? I've never thought of myself as broken, really. Well, except in the areas of women... but that's nothing new. I've been told I'm too Piscean for my own good. Maybe that's the truth. Maybe. Still, is a paycheck, no matter how high or low it is, worth being called a failure? Belittled constantly? Or, more accurately, belittled on a regular, irregular basis. I've learned that some of the coworkers are truly worth leaning on while others are best left in the oubliette. Erg... turning to the occasional beer or fine bottled beverage isn't always the answer, although it's a lovely thought. Those that tell you that "someday's you're the road, other days you're the car" just need to be drawn and quartered when you're in no mood to hear it, dealing with the garbage you might be. As such, the history commentary will return in a day or two. Oh, and one more thing: You can go fuck yourself. You know who you are. Fucker.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
You Think History is Boring
I have a fascination with ancient history. How and where it started mystifies me but it's a fairly strong fascination. I do know my father entertained some interest in all things historical and may have passed it onto me, though it's doubtful he envisioned exactly where I'd be ending up in some of my reading, internet and print.
Over the past 10 years or so, there have been majestic discoveries of the archaeological kind, everywhere from undersea locales to mountainous regions to right in someone's back 40. Many of these sites have been known to scientists and archaeologists for some time, though they've never been given proper time or focus to relinquish their secrets or theories as to their use or reason for being. Some theories fall into the extreme, such as the well-documented thought by a few "outsiders" to archaeology that the Sphinx at the Giza Plateau in Egypt is much, much older than the Egyptologists have led people to believe for so many years. Taught in schools that it was built by the Pharoah Khafra, there have been dissenting theories throughout, causing strife amongs the very unbending minds of Egyptology, much less those of archaeology and history as a whole. This sort of "maverick" thinking, those that fly in the face of establishment, is quite appealing to me, moreso in that those that refute any new or "outsider" theories scream and cry out all the louder for the attention the new ideas get! Regardless of whether or not the Sphinx at Giza was built by Khafra (it probably wasn't) or whether it's 10,000 years old (also unlikely) it is something that causes one to think that maybe, just maybe we weren't taught all that well to begin with.
When I was in grade school, we were taught, like everyone else, that Christopher Columbus discovered America by literally sailing into the Caribbean. It had been known for many years prior that Leif Eriksson and the Vikings had invariably been to the northern portion of the continent long before Columbus ever even thought to hornswaggle Spanish monarchs out of three ships for his travels. While I was taught about Leif as well, at least at some later point, it was almost always as nothing more than a footnote, pushing the established view of Columbus as "discoverer of America". Of course, once learning a Viking was on this side of the world long before that crazy Italian, it only spurred my interest in the fact that others might have even been here prior to Leif and his berserkers. Fine, fine, let's not forget the so-called indigenous folk that were here when all these supposed explorers came a-traveling. When did they get here? How long were they here? Is it possible they've always been here? O, the questions that abound... not to mention the fact that there's another coastline of the Americas...
You see the fascination, don't you? I've already gone past ancient history and moved into more modern, recorded history. Okay, Norse Edda is difficult to understand, I'll admit. So is cuneiform. Egyptian cartouches are still being deciphered to get proper translations. Someday we'll probably learn that the Rosetta Stone was nothing more than one vast joke from one insanely intelligent and sadistic mind. That would turn the historians on their ear. Imagine all the ret-con talk they'd have to work on, history books that would have to be reworked... it's mindboggling. There's more of that fascination, right there.
Leaving out the conspiratorial thoughts, the outright unproven theories and the fantastic for this note, at least for the moment, I can say I've found plenty of interesting articles of late that have gone on to reveal things not known before. The recent digs at Stonehenge uncovered more information about the site than has been previously known. Theorized, possibly. The underwater excavations going on in northern Egypt have given us a better picture of the ancient city site of Alexandria. Who knows, maybe we'll learn whatever did become of the legendary library that was present there. A very recent find in South America of an unknown Mayan tomb may give up some information as to what, where and why of the Mayan peoples. Incredible stuff, weekly with more being revealed even more frequently. I can't get enough. If you're interested, here's a great site to hit for daily articles from around the world:
http://www.archaeologica.org/NewsPage.htm
Tomorrow, the crazy, the bizarre, the "Forgotten" History of the world.
Over the past 10 years or so, there have been majestic discoveries of the archaeological kind, everywhere from undersea locales to mountainous regions to right in someone's back 40. Many of these sites have been known to scientists and archaeologists for some time, though they've never been given proper time or focus to relinquish their secrets or theories as to their use or reason for being. Some theories fall into the extreme, such as the well-documented thought by a few "outsiders" to archaeology that the Sphinx at the Giza Plateau in Egypt is much, much older than the Egyptologists have led people to believe for so many years. Taught in schools that it was built by the Pharoah Khafra, there have been dissenting theories throughout, causing strife amongs the very unbending minds of Egyptology, much less those of archaeology and history as a whole. This sort of "maverick" thinking, those that fly in the face of establishment, is quite appealing to me, moreso in that those that refute any new or "outsider" theories scream and cry out all the louder for the attention the new ideas get! Regardless of whether or not the Sphinx at Giza was built by Khafra (it probably wasn't) or whether it's 10,000 years old (also unlikely) it is something that causes one to think that maybe, just maybe we weren't taught all that well to begin with.
When I was in grade school, we were taught, like everyone else, that Christopher Columbus discovered America by literally sailing into the Caribbean. It had been known for many years prior that Leif Eriksson and the Vikings had invariably been to the northern portion of the continent long before Columbus ever even thought to hornswaggle Spanish monarchs out of three ships for his travels. While I was taught about Leif as well, at least at some later point, it was almost always as nothing more than a footnote, pushing the established view of Columbus as "discoverer of America". Of course, once learning a Viking was on this side of the world long before that crazy Italian, it only spurred my interest in the fact that others might have even been here prior to Leif and his berserkers. Fine, fine, let's not forget the so-called indigenous folk that were here when all these supposed explorers came a-traveling. When did they get here? How long were they here? Is it possible they've always been here? O, the questions that abound... not to mention the fact that there's another coastline of the Americas...
You see the fascination, don't you? I've already gone past ancient history and moved into more modern, recorded history. Okay, Norse Edda is difficult to understand, I'll admit. So is cuneiform. Egyptian cartouches are still being deciphered to get proper translations. Someday we'll probably learn that the Rosetta Stone was nothing more than one vast joke from one insanely intelligent and sadistic mind. That would turn the historians on their ear. Imagine all the ret-con talk they'd have to work on, history books that would have to be reworked... it's mindboggling. There's more of that fascination, right there.
Leaving out the conspiratorial thoughts, the outright unproven theories and the fantastic for this note, at least for the moment, I can say I've found plenty of interesting articles of late that have gone on to reveal things not known before. The recent digs at Stonehenge uncovered more information about the site than has been previously known. Theorized, possibly. The underwater excavations going on in northern Egypt have given us a better picture of the ancient city site of Alexandria. Who knows, maybe we'll learn whatever did become of the legendary library that was present there. A very recent find in South America of an unknown Mayan tomb may give up some information as to what, where and why of the Mayan peoples. Incredible stuff, weekly with more being revealed even more frequently. I can't get enough. If you're interested, here's a great site to hit for daily articles from around the world:
http://www.archaeologica.org/NewsPage.htm
Tomorrow, the crazy, the bizarre, the "Forgotten" History of the world.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
15 Short Film Reviews or Why Speed 2 Sucks Like a Dyson Vacuum
Please note: This particular writ was originally pieced together in the wee hours of the morning, October 23rd, 2008. I thought it had merit then and still do now. It also fits within the SPEED 2 Month of July De-celebration. Enjoy.
Film 1: Fiend Without a Face
Starring Canada's greatest actor, Marshall Thompson, this phenomenal black and white horror/sci-fi stunner has some of the most disgusting and grotesque sound effects from any movie. That says much, considering the budget. Speed 2 had a budget that dwarfed FWaF as the sun dwarfs the Earth, so that alone says we have a better film here.
Film 2: Silent Running
A seventies orphan, this overly hippie-like science fiction stars Bruce Dern in almost a solo role. As he is an actor of repute (The 'Burbs notwithstanding), that alone would make it a worthy opponent of Speed 2. Fortunately, the story is well thought out and makes you care for robots that don't speak or make much sound. Eat your heart out, Star Wars nerds.
Film 3: The Gamers
A newer indie movie, this one slays the role playing game nerd, his views and living at home with mama. Not a great movie at all, but still has humorous moments and some real actors interspersed through the rookies. It also moves at a faster pace than the entirety of Speed 2, making it a fairly superior movie just for that.
Film 4: Heavy Metal
Ah, Heavy Metal. The first time I ever saw animated boobs. Kudos to that, you get high marks and a rating that puts Speed 2 and its poor domestic take to greater shame.
Film 5: Flying Guillotine
This Chinese masterpiece probably has thirteen other titles, but this is how I saw it for the first time. I'm no cinemaphile to the degree I know everything that the Hong Kong movie studios ever did, but wow... a headless corpse can do better at acting than Jason Patric in Speed 2. Watch both, you'll agree.
Film 6: Jabberwocky
One of the many films done by members of the Monty Python crew that technically isn't Monty Python. It is also not a great movie. It is, however, better than Speed 2 just in the idiocy of Michael Palin's lead character, rather than the idiocy of a poor script, poor planning, poor acting, poor science...
Film 7: Death Race 2000
Probably the first real "cult hit" movie on the list, as well as a Roger Corman classic. Corman doesn't always hit it well, but when he does, he hits like a cruise ship into a dockside of people, buildings and businesses. Just a lot faster and more destructive than the one in Speed 2.
Film 8: The Phantom
By this one I do mean the Billy Zane film adapting the comic strip character. There have been other interpretations of the Phantom but this one, while not remarkable in a host of ways, is the best. Not only that, but when Treat Williams is better in a movie than Willem Dafoe, that should ring alarms. Hm. Maybe Speed 2 needed Billy Zane?
Film 9: UHF
Weird Al Yankovic trumps even the first Speed movie. Unless of course, they make a Speed 3.
Film 10: Eraserhead
Oh, come on. It's David Lynch!
Film 11: Night of the Lepus
"Giant" bunnies attacking a town and kicking aside the (toy) railroad tracks make for better movies than Sandra Bullock trying to stop a cruise ship from... what was she doing in Speed 2? Anyone?
Film 12: Red Sun
I absolutely love this movie, which alone would make it on a different list from this one, but it's not on DVD and Speed 2 is, so there's your trump. Red Sun, a weird western tale with Toshiro Mifune and Chuck Bronson that's NOT ON DVD is better than Speed 2. (Update: Red Sun was available on DVD, briefly, at about the time this was written. I still have yet to locate a copy. Even so, I'll keep it on the list just to add insult to injury.)
Film 13: Burnt Offerings
Honestly, I don't remember much about this one except as a kid, I was too scared not to watch. Certain scenes stick with me, as they scared me and a best friend at the time to the point of giggles. I think the only thing in Speed 2 that made me giggle is when I turned the volume on and listened to the dialogue.
Film 14: Godzilla versus Mothra
Godzilla is better than Jason Patric's pout, hence this entry on the list. Godzilla made more money, too.
Film 15: The Corsican Brothers
Cheech and Chong at their absolute worst! An unfunny, unrelenting bore of a movie with bad, bad, BAD jokes. And yet, it laughs at Speed 2 because it's a better film. The costume designer alone would beat Speed 2 and the speedos seen in it. Ugh!
And there you have it, fifteen movies better than Speed 2. I highly recommend all of the above as good popcorn digesters, rather than wasting time and money on the viciously awful on the eyes and ears Speed 2. Didn't think I could do it? I may do it again with another 15. Hope you liked it... I know a guy named John that did.
Film 1: Fiend Without a Face
Starring Canada's greatest actor, Marshall Thompson, this phenomenal black and white horror/sci-fi stunner has some of the most disgusting and grotesque sound effects from any movie. That says much, considering the budget. Speed 2 had a budget that dwarfed FWaF as the sun dwarfs the Earth, so that alone says we have a better film here.
Film 2: Silent Running
A seventies orphan, this overly hippie-like science fiction stars Bruce Dern in almost a solo role. As he is an actor of repute (The 'Burbs notwithstanding), that alone would make it a worthy opponent of Speed 2. Fortunately, the story is well thought out and makes you care for robots that don't speak or make much sound. Eat your heart out, Star Wars nerds.
Film 3: The Gamers
A newer indie movie, this one slays the role playing game nerd, his views and living at home with mama. Not a great movie at all, but still has humorous moments and some real actors interspersed through the rookies. It also moves at a faster pace than the entirety of Speed 2, making it a fairly superior movie just for that.
Film 4: Heavy Metal
Ah, Heavy Metal. The first time I ever saw animated boobs. Kudos to that, you get high marks and a rating that puts Speed 2 and its poor domestic take to greater shame.
Film 5: Flying Guillotine
This Chinese masterpiece probably has thirteen other titles, but this is how I saw it for the first time. I'm no cinemaphile to the degree I know everything that the Hong Kong movie studios ever did, but wow... a headless corpse can do better at acting than Jason Patric in Speed 2. Watch both, you'll agree.
Film 6: Jabberwocky
One of the many films done by members of the Monty Python crew that technically isn't Monty Python. It is also not a great movie. It is, however, better than Speed 2 just in the idiocy of Michael Palin's lead character, rather than the idiocy of a poor script, poor planning, poor acting, poor science...
Film 7: Death Race 2000
Probably the first real "cult hit" movie on the list, as well as a Roger Corman classic. Corman doesn't always hit it well, but when he does, he hits like a cruise ship into a dockside of people, buildings and businesses. Just a lot faster and more destructive than the one in Speed 2.
Film 8: The Phantom
By this one I do mean the Billy Zane film adapting the comic strip character. There have been other interpretations of the Phantom but this one, while not remarkable in a host of ways, is the best. Not only that, but when Treat Williams is better in a movie than Willem Dafoe, that should ring alarms. Hm. Maybe Speed 2 needed Billy Zane?
Film 9: UHF
Weird Al Yankovic trumps even the first Speed movie. Unless of course, they make a Speed 3.
Film 10: Eraserhead
Oh, come on. It's David Lynch!
Film 11: Night of the Lepus
"Giant" bunnies attacking a town and kicking aside the (toy) railroad tracks make for better movies than Sandra Bullock trying to stop a cruise ship from... what was she doing in Speed 2? Anyone?
Film 12: Red Sun
I absolutely love this movie, which alone would make it on a different list from this one, but it's not on DVD and Speed 2 is, so there's your trump. Red Sun, a weird western tale with Toshiro Mifune and Chuck Bronson that's NOT ON DVD is better than Speed 2. (Update: Red Sun was available on DVD, briefly, at about the time this was written. I still have yet to locate a copy. Even so, I'll keep it on the list just to add insult to injury.)
Film 13: Burnt Offerings
Honestly, I don't remember much about this one except as a kid, I was too scared not to watch. Certain scenes stick with me, as they scared me and a best friend at the time to the point of giggles. I think the only thing in Speed 2 that made me giggle is when I turned the volume on and listened to the dialogue.
Film 14: Godzilla versus Mothra
Godzilla is better than Jason Patric's pout, hence this entry on the list. Godzilla made more money, too.
Film 15: The Corsican Brothers
Cheech and Chong at their absolute worst! An unfunny, unrelenting bore of a movie with bad, bad, BAD jokes. And yet, it laughs at Speed 2 because it's a better film. The costume designer alone would beat Speed 2 and the speedos seen in it. Ugh!
And there you have it, fifteen movies better than Speed 2. I highly recommend all of the above as good popcorn digesters, rather than wasting time and money on the viciously awful on the eyes and ears Speed 2. Didn't think I could do it? I may do it again with another 15. Hope you liked it... I know a guy named John that did.
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