Pirates of Dark Water Rewatch: PANACEA

Episode 9: Panacea

Original Airdate: Nov 9, 1991

Written By: Sean Roche

Directed By: Don Lusk, Paul Sommer (Supervising Director, Ray Patterson)

The Maelstrom is chasing the Wraith through a narrows. Ren believes the compass is pointing to a place called Miragon, the likely location of the next treasure. The narrows ahead is blocked and it looks as though the only way out is gliding the ship over the blockage, until a “blast hole” is spotted. This is a tunnel worked through a side of the narrows at the water level. Air rushes through it and it’s a known speedway for the sailors of Mer. The Wraith is a tight fit but she sails quickly through the tunnel until the Maelstrom settles directly in front of the entrance, killing the air flow and becalming the Wraith. Once stopped, ropes drop down from above the passage as Bloth’s pirates begin boarding.

Ren and the others abandon the Wraith, using the ropes dropped down by Bloth’s men. They move into caverns above the blast tunnel and escape the assault. Bloth and his boarders take the Wraith and sail on to Miragon, hoping to head off Ren and the others.

Chopping through the jungle, Ioz discovers the city of Miragon, confirmed by the compass pointing directly to it. As he and the others approach, an ominous rumbling noise attracts their attention. A large, burrowing creature pops out of the soil and attacks Tula! Its’ fearsome, crab/worm/beetle appearance does little to delay Ioz and Ren from attacking the creature in Tula’s defense, hanging off the protuberant tusks. The creature is able to eject the tusks with both Ioz and Ren, growing replacements in seconds. The creature growls a bit more, then burrows back towards a mound outside the city, where the compass points to the next Treasure of Rule.

As the crew catches their breath, a man appears through the reeds and a metal bird comes screeching down to perch in a tree. Slaggon introduces himself and his pet Hawk Knife, interested in who has been bothering the Golquin, the worm/beetle creature.

At Slaggon’s lair, the crew discovers he is a biotransmuter, with a zoo of creatures he’s created. He claims that he fixes dying or wounded animals and beings of Mer by making improvements on them. He does admit that the Golquin is not one of his creations and he has no control over it. He explains that the only way to get rid of the Golquin is to feed it a loack flower, reportedly a plant with great healing ability – except to the Golquin. Of course, the loack flower is deep in the swamp; certain death without a guide. Ioz sees directly through the scheme of Slaggon as the crew is extorted for money. Ioz isn’t willing to part with any money, even though Ren pushes to accept the charge. Ah, Ren. So willing to be the pleasant mediator, right on down to paying out large amounts of coin even after being so low on it just last episode. (See THE BEAST AND THE BELL rewatch intro for a quick reminder.)

Slaggon offers a “bioguide” for the crew to locate the loack flower. “Woulette” is half fish, half lemur-like critter kept in a fishbowl on a staff of crystal. Woulette is kept in suspended animation until someone takes the staff by hand, thereby connecting with the holder through a “medical transmutation” which acts as an aid in finding whatever is being searched for. Woulette has a horrible attitude and mouth, making no friends with the crew.

As Ioz pilots a river skiff into the swamp, Woulette continues to verbally assault our heroes, making no friends. At the height of his tirade, strange, grunting men rain fiery arrows upon the boat. Woulette tells the others that they’re the Mud People and they don’t like to get wet. In trying to avoid the arrows and move deeper into the swamp, Ioz runs the skiff aground. The Mud People jump aboard their own boats and close in on their prey. Tula creates geysers that splash the Mud People, who retreat in fear from… “melting.”

Stopping for a food forage break, the crew discusses the increasingly obnoxious Woulette’s personality. A lesson-message is being forged here, don’t miss it! With only Ren being somewhat sympathetic of Woulette, likely due to his connection through the staff, the others want to locate the loack flower as quickly as possible to be rid of the bioguide. Niddler, in retaliation of Woulette’s verbal assaults, drops a piranha clam into his bowl, amusing Tula and Ioz. Ren chastises Niddler, deepening this tacked-on episode lesson.

Bloth arrives at Miragon with the Wraith and has Konk climb the Gonquin mound to retrieve the very visible treasure at the peak. Mantus remarks on the treasure still being in place just before the Gonquin attacks Konk. Slaggon approaches Bloth, curious as to more people bothering the Gonquin. After a brief update, Bloth hires Slaggon to kill Ren using his pet Hawk Knife.

Woulette leads the crew to where the loack flower should be located and they all separate to search. Woulette and Ren have a heart-to-heart regarding his personality, where Woulette explains that Slaggon is no savior of animals, just a greedy transmutator. Ren makes a promise to help Woulette when Tula discovers the loack. She tells the others that the flower nectar is Mer’s most potent healing agent, or PANACEA. With that, Ren informs his friends that Woulette will be joining the crew, causing much consternation and debate from them.

High above, Hawk Knife carries Slaggon in a bizarre chair harness. He tracks them down with a magical Rubik’s Cube attuned to Woulette’s staff. He attacks just as the crew return to their skiff, swooping down to steal the loack and fire an energy leech at Ren. Tula uses her powers to have the trees interfere, knocking Slaggon from his chair. Ioz steps in to swordfight the biotransmutor, quickly overpowering him and taking the loack. Woulette uses his bio water to revive Ren, placing himself in jeopardy. A revived Ren uses the loack petals to help Woulette, which does more than just heal him, it reverts him to his original state.

The next morning at Miragon, Mantus and Konk awake to see the Golquin being teased by the Woulette, returned to his original winged state by the loack flower. Behind them, Niddler flies up to the top of the mound, taking the treasure. As Bloth comes to the deck of the Wraith, he’s booted overboard by Ioz and Ren, swooping down like twin Errol Flynn’s. The Wraith, reclaimed by our heroes, sails off just as Slaggon returns home, to be taken captive by Bloth and the pirates.

Woulette is offered a position aboard the Wraith, but he declines, wanting to remain behind and help the other transmuted creatures. Wishing him well, the Wraith continues the quest, five treasures down, eight more to go.

Mutant Scum – Quite a few new critters this episode, most being “created” by Slaggon. Even so, the Gonquin stands out as one bizarre ‘natural’ creature of Mer, with Ioz and Ren calling it a crab! A number of clams are mentioned, with Niddler making use of the piranha clam to tease Woulette. The Mud People, one of the most idiotic of Mer’s denizens make their first and last appearance – people made of mud that don’t like getting wet? What the hell are they doing in a swamp, much less getting on boats to attack others? Gah… makes my brain hurt just typing it.

When Do We Get to Eat? Niddler doesn’t do a whole hell of a lot but complain here, though he is interested in tying down the melons when the Wraith enters the blast hole in the opening.

Moons of Mer, this was terrible! As seen above, there isn’t much worth mentioning for focus this episode. PANACEA tops the list, so far, of the worst of PoDW, just barely enabling a single minga melon out of five. This is a pointless episode with a weak plot and premise, including the poorly slapped on lesson for the kiddies that just falls flat. This is the second of the treasures just dumped somewhere with no explanation but this story didn’t even have the thought to include a view of the treasure up close. Why is the Gonquin so attached to the treasure? Is it a guardian? Was it a guardian? Who cares when you’re only supposed to be interested in Woulette (occasionally spoken as Roulette, just in case some of you are following along) and his plight. Woulette is a weak character and design and I’m sure Ioz isn’t the only one to be pleased he doesn’t stick around.

In mentioning Ioz, he is the lone cause of the single minga melon. Ioz was written with decent characterization, continuing to act as a pirate and making no bones about it. He sees right through Slaggon and any deception here, attempting a strongarm even over Ren’s objections. We also get a brief but memorable sword battle between the two that was sorely needed to inject some life into a dead story. It’s in this, amongst other areas that I firmly believe Ioz could be the star of his own show, if the option were available. Someone get in touch with Hector Elizondo!