I’m a day behind. So you’re getting two today. First up, Nic
Cage Day – one day late. I think that’s fitting, yeah? Good, now read the
bloody thing.
Nicolas Cage has been lucky enough to have a top of the line
Hollywood pedigree to be able to get acting gigs without much actual attempt at
work, as nephew of a Coppola. Still, he changed his name to pave his own way
for a career, and regardless of how much you like the guy’s ability to act,
personality or movies, he’s been fairly successful. Would you know who I was
talking about if I said… Tom Everett Scott? Right. Moving on.
I could give a list of his string of hits, most of which you’ve
heard of, some of which you’ve seen and probably liked. In fact, I don’t know
anyone that didn’t like RAISING ARIZONA, even the Nic Cage haters out there
seemed to like it. But, I’m not here to discuss the great, good or decent films
of Cage’s career, nor am I going over CON AIR a second time. I’m going to see
how the stinkers compare to our lovely SPEED 2, as we wind down the month.
Did anyone see TIME TO KILL? No? Okay, we’ll move on. How
about AMOS & ANDREW, the wonderfully misfired comedy of class and race in
an upscale New England town? Came out in ’93? With Sam Jackson? Hello? Well. I
guess no one did. Sad. It was pretty funny, if you were in a completely “politically
correct” frame of mind and thought this plot could make you laugh. It was
filmed for 17 million and raked in under 10. O, you did see it? I bet you didn’t
see it in the theatre like me! I bet you didn’t laugh like me, either. As in, “I
bet you didn’t laugh, either.”
GUARDING TESS came out a year later and had Nic as a Secret
Service Agent handling a former First Lady. Another light comedy in Nic’s
pocket got him to work with Shirley MacClaine, but was another loser at the box
office, clearing 27 million after a 20 million budget. Clearly Nic wasn’t
finding his niche in a comedy vein. Even though the earlier HONEYMOON IN VEGAS
was a moderate hit, it wasn’t a big moneymaker, either. Would TRAPPED IN
PARADISE, also released in ’94 prove to be the hit he needed? Is Dick Nixon the
most truthful President in United States history?
TRAPPED IN PARADISE is a charmer, with a great cast of
character actors, though it’s obvious from the get-go that Jon Lovitz wanted to
be anywhere but in that movie. He is so horribly miscast in his role and the
film it’s like an anchor on the story. In fact, he’s so bad, he makes Cage
start to take shape into the mold he made so popular in CON AIR, that of the ‘everyman’
that the other characters and the plot revolves around. In other words, a role
ANYONE, even one of my favorites, Clint Howard, could fill.
Nic got lucky for a few years, getting four hits of varying
degree into the theatres, with CON AIR and FACE/OFF hitting in the same month
and the same year, as previously stated. And then came FAMILY MAN in 2000, a “modern
day Frank Capra” tale of what if. Essentially, take the plot of IT’S A
WONDERFUL LIFE and set it at the turn of the century, and plant poop jokes and
Tea Leoni in it for eye candy and a bland role for her to play, give it a 60
million dollar budget and hope for the best. It totaled 75 million at the box
office, so guess how it was perceived? That didn’t stop Nic though! Five years
later, THE WEATHER MAN was released, with Nic playing yet another man unhappy
with his life, job and living conditions. THE WEATHER MAN was hyped as a
comedy, had the great Michael Caine in it, and ended up not only not a comedy,
but just not good. In fact, it’s a bloody depressing, gawdsawful flick that I
wouldn’t recommend unless the only other thing on was a bad dub of a Chinese
action movie or SPEED 2. I’d likely tell you to watch the action movie first,
though.
Nic is a big comic book fan. He wanted so desperately to
play Superman when Tim Burton was hired to head up a movie about that
particular character, he begged, pleaded and somehow got the role. I’m thinking
some really kinky hookey-dookey went on for him to secure it, and I’m really
hoping those pictures never get out. Besides, the movie never got made, Nic got
paid anyway, and pretty much everyone but Warner Brothers was happy when they
had to keep paying out to cover the costs of a movie that never got made with
the profits of one that did get made. But hey, that’s the pictures, right?
So Nic’s a comic fan, didn’t get to play Superman, but did
get to play Ghost Rider, in not one, but TWO movies. I can only discuss the
first fiasco of a film, as I just couldn’t get up the energy needed to watch him
continue to waste my time with a character that honestly is far too Seventies
to work. In fact, I won’t even discuss it. GHOST RIDER started great, even
working in the “Evel Knievel” aspect of the character, with a plot that was
about a younger version of the alter ego of Ghost Rider. And then, the whole
plot went shitty and Nic Cage came in to play the part. You’ll feel the fall,
like rolling down the mountain of excrement in a Porta Pottie. If you’re braver
than me, you can watch the second Ghost Rider movie and tell me to watch a
bootleg when I’m recovering from Ebola or SARS or something.
Nic had a couple of other stinkers in between the two Ghost
Rider movies, most of which I haven’t seen to say they’re better or worse than
SPEED 2. Someday I may, and be able to compare them. I may, in fact, do that
for Speed 2 Month 2015. Because I’ll need more material now.
Nic Cage still makes better movies than SPEED 2 ever was, no
matter if you like his goony acting, crooked face and receding hairline or not.
There was a time his big eyes were seen as attractive by some girls. I think
they’re all dead inside, now.
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