SPEED 2 Month 2015 Day 19: The Heat of Mediocrity

On Day 4 of SPEED 2 Month, A Leaf on the Wind focused on the popular Sandra Bullock, star of both SPEED and the puerile sequel. Within it, her amazing amount of successful films was shown to far outweigh her dogs, regardless of creative opinion. One of her more recent ventures was the 2013 release, THE HEAT, with popular comedic actress Melissa McCarthy.

THE HEAT theatre poster, with an image that never occurs in the movie

THE HEAT is a plebian “buddy cop” picture with little to no entertainment factor outside of McCarthy being a foul-mouthed Boston police detective. Bullock is an anal, over competitive, overbearing FBI agent trying to get a promotion and ends up having to work alongside McCarthy to locate a mysterious drug lord. In the middle of that, there’s a lot of stupid jokes, near-cameo appearances from known actors, lots of movie cliché’s and a plot that will put you to sleep. If you’re having a bout of insomnia, this movie is for you, believe it.

The film does have some amusing bits, most of which come from McCarthy. The “slowest chase scene in movie history” is particularly funny, as is her incredibly foul comments throughout the movie, regardless of who they’re pointed at. Michael McDonald is cast against type as a vicious criminal and does not disappoint while Jane Curtain and Michael Rapaport are terribly underused as McCarthy’s mother and brother, respectively. Tom Wilson is great as McCarthy’s overworked captain, but does not get nearly enough screen time as he deserves. This flick is totally about Bullock and McCarthy being the Odd Couple of the chick-police, no matter how boring their personality conflict might be. It’s a shame that other actors suffer from being a part of the story that really goes nowhere. I also don’t understand this perpetual need to have high impact violence as part of a comedy movie, regardless of setting. BEVERLY HILLS COP worked because a lot of the violence was off-screen or not in your face. In THE HEAT, there are at least two head shots with red mist spray in a graphic show of “shocking” violence. A Leaf on the Wind hopes that someday, this sort of wanton need to shock will no longer be a part of certain types of films, as is the way of Hollyweird.

Michael McDonald, not as he appears in THE HEAT

THE HEAT was made for 43 million dollars and was a big hit, pulling in 160 million in the States and 229 million overall. Usually this would beg for a sequel, unless you’re a smart producer and just take the profit and apply it to something different with what worked in the movie: McCarthy. As is well known at this point, she’s gone on to make quite a few comedic flicks, some hotter than others. At present, McCarthy has a movie in theatres by the same director of THE HEAT, Paul Feig. It’s currently at #2 behind JURASSIC WORLD, the biggest blockbuster in years. Regardless of how good THE HEAT might not have been, it was popular enough to make a good income and give McCarthy and Feig another shot. Will you?

Next up, horrid work situations.

SPEED 2 Month 2015 Day 4: Bollocks

In all the years I’ve spent pushing my vendetta against SPEED 2, I have rarely given Sandra Bullock much guff for getting involved with this picture. I do recall much being played out in the “Entertainment Press” at the time, partly because she wasn’t all that willing to do it without Keanu Reeves. He refused and she seemed to get pressured into making this turkey with no real thought to consequences. I’m sure I could find quotes as to how little she wanted to do it before being signed, but really, who cares. What’s done is done and let the sack of doorknobs hit hard as they may.

Ms. Bullock made her film debut in 1987, playing a role in HANGMEN, alongside such esteemed actors as Jake LaMotta. If anyone saw this movie, please let me know. I’ve never had the pleasure. Between then and 1993, she meandered through television, telefilm and a few stinkers that were probably never released to the silver screen. She struck the eye of many a fanboy and critic alike in the Sylvester Stallone/Wesley Snipes action mashup, DEMOLITION MAN. She was cute, perky and could deliver a line. She got really lucky with SPEED in ’94, the surprise hit of the summer. She got pretty busy at this point, doing a large number of flicks in a short period of time. Some were good and made good money (WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING and THE NET) while others… well, let’s take a look at those.

Anyone remember LOVE POTION #9? No? Too bad, it didn’t suck completely. It wasn’t good by any means, but what do you expect for a movie that made more money as a VHS rental than at the box office. It was also made before Sandra Bullock was a household name, so I don’t really hold this in the same regard as a 160 million dollar waste of expense. Post-SPEED and pre-SPEED 2, she co-starred in TWO IF BY SEA with Dennis Leary, who was trying to break away from his embittered comedy act and feed his family. TWO IF BY SEA was again, not a terribly bad movie. It also seemed to find an audience in rentals where it didn’t at the theatre. I think it was the mismatch of these two that did this movie injustice rather than the bizarre plot. Feel like a night of Bullock misfires that won’t melt your brain? Put in LOVE POTION #9, TWO IF BY SEA and the 2000 runaway snoozer, 28 DAYS, where she plays a drunk thrown into rehab. If it weren’t for supporting cast members in 28 DAYS, it might be just enough to be used as a sleep aid.

In ’98 she co-starred (again) in PRACTICAL MAGIC, a really girly flick with Nicole Kidman. I’m not sure if studios thought that she wasn’t good enough to hold a movie by herself or that they thought more than one star would bring in more money at this point in her career. PRACTICAL MAGIC was no flop, but it was no hit either, making critics question her “star power”. I wouldn’t have said that with this movie, which holds no interest at all for me. Bullock and Kidman play sisters that are also witches and apothecaries. Yeah. Guess which one was the “bad witch”? When THE CRAFT came out in ’96, everyone had to do something with witches, to the chagrin of the 700 CLUB viewers and donation junkies. PRACTICAL MAGIC was the flip side of THE CRAFT, in some ways. Since no movie ever gets Wicca or witches or magic ever done right, I’ll move on to something more interesting before someone throws another curse on me.

While investigating Sandra Bullocks’ career, I discovered two things. One, she had co-starred in a 1999 movie with the incredibly wooden Ben Affleck. Two, she had three movies released in 2000, one I had never even heard of, much less seen. To not have seen her debut film is one thing, but not to know about a movie with Liam Neeson and Oliver Platt as the headliners? Odd. The Affleck mess I’ve seen; it’s called FORCES OF NATURE. The less said about it the better, because it reeked worse than the week-old hamburger in my fridge. Ben Affleck… he’s just so bad! I mean, if I have to, I’ll watch it again for this month if a copy still exists somewhere. It’s not GIGLI bad, but I had put it out of my mind so much I had to read the synopsis to remember it… and try not to scream out in the library. FORCES OF NATURE is sort of a ‘comedy of errors’ with no laughs. Its PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES with no charm, spark or intelligence. Tack on a romance to anchor the whole story and you’ve got yourself a real bomb. It’s not as bad as SPEED 2 largely due to the supporting cast, but it was just about as big of a flop. GUN SHY I never heard of – have you? Neeson. Platt. The resonant movie voiceover just kills with those two names, no? If it weren’t for MISS CONGENIALITY, the third film of her 2000 releases, I think studios would have started to blacklist her. Not that MISS CONGENIALITY was great stuff, but it made money and that’s really what matters to them at the end of the day.

Over all, as I look at her entire career, she has very few duds. Sure, a lot of them are not great, thought inducing material, but they’re popcorn entertainment at the very least. I couldn’t find another clunker on the list until THE PROPOSAL of 2009. I didn’t hate this movie when I watched it but it did not break new ground. It felt like a rewrite of WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING set in Washington State. It also co-stars Ryan Reynolds who looks to be Sandra Bullocks’ 20 year junior. It was a strange film of an even stranger romance and if you haven’t seen it, I can’t really recommend it. I wouldn’t even put it in the same realm as the trio of her movies I listed earlier for a night of Bullock. She does have quite a few films of the last ten years I have not seen yet, so maybe there might be another nearly as bad as SPEED 2 or FORCE OF NATURE. Your suggestions are welcome.

Prepare yourselves for a volatile day 5 as I visit a specific Guillermo Del Toro movie of recent vintage. It’s going to make the interwebs blush.

For more movie vitriol, head on over to From the Hip and listen to the latest podcast where host Vinnie, myself and John “Speed 2” Amenta discuss terrible, terrible films we’ve seen.