Friday, July 15, 2011
Chaos in the Making
You know the days where you think you've got it all planned out and then... SMACK. Your first few hours end up like a fly against a windshield. That's been the past few days for me, as is typical in the life of the Chaos Maker. While I'm used to things usually going all tits up, particularly at work, it's getting a bit repetitious for this one. How long before the breaking point is reached? What is the breaking point? What would make me break? I've never thought of myself as broken, really. Well, except in the areas of women... but that's nothing new. I've been told I'm too Piscean for my own good. Maybe that's the truth. Maybe. Still, is a paycheck, no matter how high or low it is, worth being called a failure? Belittled constantly? Or, more accurately, belittled on a regular, irregular basis. I've learned that some of the coworkers are truly worth leaning on while others are best left in the oubliette. Erg... turning to the occasional beer or fine bottled beverage isn't always the answer, although it's a lovely thought. Those that tell you that "someday's you're the road, other days you're the car" just need to be drawn and quartered when you're in no mood to hear it, dealing with the garbage you might be. As such, the history commentary will return in a day or two. Oh, and one more thing: You can go fuck yourself. You know who you are. Fucker.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
You Think History is Boring
I have a fascination with ancient history. How and where it started mystifies me but it's a fairly strong fascination. I do know my father entertained some interest in all things historical and may have passed it onto me, though it's doubtful he envisioned exactly where I'd be ending up in some of my reading, internet and print.
Over the past 10 years or so, there have been majestic discoveries of the archaeological kind, everywhere from undersea locales to mountainous regions to right in someone's back 40. Many of these sites have been known to scientists and archaeologists for some time, though they've never been given proper time or focus to relinquish their secrets or theories as to their use or reason for being. Some theories fall into the extreme, such as the well-documented thought by a few "outsiders" to archaeology that the Sphinx at the Giza Plateau in Egypt is much, much older than the Egyptologists have led people to believe for so many years. Taught in schools that it was built by the Pharoah Khafra, there have been dissenting theories throughout, causing strife amongs the very unbending minds of Egyptology, much less those of archaeology and history as a whole. This sort of "maverick" thinking, those that fly in the face of establishment, is quite appealing to me, moreso in that those that refute any new or "outsider" theories scream and cry out all the louder for the attention the new ideas get! Regardless of whether or not the Sphinx at Giza was built by Khafra (it probably wasn't) or whether it's 10,000 years old (also unlikely) it is something that causes one to think that maybe, just maybe we weren't taught all that well to begin with.
When I was in grade school, we were taught, like everyone else, that Christopher Columbus discovered America by literally sailing into the Caribbean. It had been known for many years prior that Leif Eriksson and the Vikings had invariably been to the northern portion of the continent long before Columbus ever even thought to hornswaggle Spanish monarchs out of three ships for his travels. While I was taught about Leif as well, at least at some later point, it was almost always as nothing more than a footnote, pushing the established view of Columbus as "discoverer of America". Of course, once learning a Viking was on this side of the world long before that crazy Italian, it only spurred my interest in the fact that others might have even been here prior to Leif and his berserkers. Fine, fine, let's not forget the so-called indigenous folk that were here when all these supposed explorers came a-traveling. When did they get here? How long were they here? Is it possible they've always been here? O, the questions that abound... not to mention the fact that there's another coastline of the Americas...
You see the fascination, don't you? I've already gone past ancient history and moved into more modern, recorded history. Okay, Norse Edda is difficult to understand, I'll admit. So is cuneiform. Egyptian cartouches are still being deciphered to get proper translations. Someday we'll probably learn that the Rosetta Stone was nothing more than one vast joke from one insanely intelligent and sadistic mind. That would turn the historians on their ear. Imagine all the ret-con talk they'd have to work on, history books that would have to be reworked... it's mindboggling. There's more of that fascination, right there.
Leaving out the conspiratorial thoughts, the outright unproven theories and the fantastic for this note, at least for the moment, I can say I've found plenty of interesting articles of late that have gone on to reveal things not known before. The recent digs at Stonehenge uncovered more information about the site than has been previously known. Theorized, possibly. The underwater excavations going on in northern Egypt have given us a better picture of the ancient city site of Alexandria. Who knows, maybe we'll learn whatever did become of the legendary library that was present there. A very recent find in South America of an unknown Mayan tomb may give up some information as to what, where and why of the Mayan peoples. Incredible stuff, weekly with more being revealed even more frequently. I can't get enough. If you're interested, here's a great site to hit for daily articles from around the world:
http://www.archaeologica.org/NewsPage.htm
Tomorrow, the crazy, the bizarre, the "Forgotten" History of the world.
Over the past 10 years or so, there have been majestic discoveries of the archaeological kind, everywhere from undersea locales to mountainous regions to right in someone's back 40. Many of these sites have been known to scientists and archaeologists for some time, though they've never been given proper time or focus to relinquish their secrets or theories as to their use or reason for being. Some theories fall into the extreme, such as the well-documented thought by a few "outsiders" to archaeology that the Sphinx at the Giza Plateau in Egypt is much, much older than the Egyptologists have led people to believe for so many years. Taught in schools that it was built by the Pharoah Khafra, there have been dissenting theories throughout, causing strife amongs the very unbending minds of Egyptology, much less those of archaeology and history as a whole. This sort of "maverick" thinking, those that fly in the face of establishment, is quite appealing to me, moreso in that those that refute any new or "outsider" theories scream and cry out all the louder for the attention the new ideas get! Regardless of whether or not the Sphinx at Giza was built by Khafra (it probably wasn't) or whether it's 10,000 years old (also unlikely) it is something that causes one to think that maybe, just maybe we weren't taught all that well to begin with.
When I was in grade school, we were taught, like everyone else, that Christopher Columbus discovered America by literally sailing into the Caribbean. It had been known for many years prior that Leif Eriksson and the Vikings had invariably been to the northern portion of the continent long before Columbus ever even thought to hornswaggle Spanish monarchs out of three ships for his travels. While I was taught about Leif as well, at least at some later point, it was almost always as nothing more than a footnote, pushing the established view of Columbus as "discoverer of America". Of course, once learning a Viking was on this side of the world long before that crazy Italian, it only spurred my interest in the fact that others might have even been here prior to Leif and his berserkers. Fine, fine, let's not forget the so-called indigenous folk that were here when all these supposed explorers came a-traveling. When did they get here? How long were they here? Is it possible they've always been here? O, the questions that abound... not to mention the fact that there's another coastline of the Americas...
You see the fascination, don't you? I've already gone past ancient history and moved into more modern, recorded history. Okay, Norse Edda is difficult to understand, I'll admit. So is cuneiform. Egyptian cartouches are still being deciphered to get proper translations. Someday we'll probably learn that the Rosetta Stone was nothing more than one vast joke from one insanely intelligent and sadistic mind. That would turn the historians on their ear. Imagine all the ret-con talk they'd have to work on, history books that would have to be reworked... it's mindboggling. There's more of that fascination, right there.
Leaving out the conspiratorial thoughts, the outright unproven theories and the fantastic for this note, at least for the moment, I can say I've found plenty of interesting articles of late that have gone on to reveal things not known before. The recent digs at Stonehenge uncovered more information about the site than has been previously known. Theorized, possibly. The underwater excavations going on in northern Egypt have given us a better picture of the ancient city site of Alexandria. Who knows, maybe we'll learn whatever did become of the legendary library that was present there. A very recent find in South America of an unknown Mayan tomb may give up some information as to what, where and why of the Mayan peoples. Incredible stuff, weekly with more being revealed even more frequently. I can't get enough. If you're interested, here's a great site to hit for daily articles from around the world:
http://www.archaeologica.org/NewsPage.htm
Tomorrow, the crazy, the bizarre, the "Forgotten" History of the world.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
15 Short Film Reviews or Why Speed 2 Sucks Like a Dyson Vacuum
Please note: This particular writ was originally pieced together in the wee hours of the morning, October 23rd, 2008. I thought it had merit then and still do now. It also fits within the SPEED 2 Month of July De-celebration. Enjoy.
Film 1: Fiend Without a Face
Starring Canada's greatest actor, Marshall Thompson, this phenomenal black and white horror/sci-fi stunner has some of the most disgusting and grotesque sound effects from any movie. That says much, considering the budget. Speed 2 had a budget that dwarfed FWaF as the sun dwarfs the Earth, so that alone says we have a better film here.
Film 2: Silent Running
A seventies orphan, this overly hippie-like science fiction stars Bruce Dern in almost a solo role. As he is an actor of repute (The 'Burbs notwithstanding), that alone would make it a worthy opponent of Speed 2. Fortunately, the story is well thought out and makes you care for robots that don't speak or make much sound. Eat your heart out, Star Wars nerds.
Film 3: The Gamers
A newer indie movie, this one slays the role playing game nerd, his views and living at home with mama. Not a great movie at all, but still has humorous moments and some real actors interspersed through the rookies. It also moves at a faster pace than the entirety of Speed 2, making it a fairly superior movie just for that.
Film 4: Heavy Metal
Ah, Heavy Metal. The first time I ever saw animated boobs. Kudos to that, you get high marks and a rating that puts Speed 2 and its poor domestic take to greater shame.
Film 5: Flying Guillotine
This Chinese masterpiece probably has thirteen other titles, but this is how I saw it for the first time. I'm no cinemaphile to the degree I know everything that the Hong Kong movie studios ever did, but wow... a headless corpse can do better at acting than Jason Patric in Speed 2. Watch both, you'll agree.
Film 6: Jabberwocky
One of the many films done by members of the Monty Python crew that technically isn't Monty Python. It is also not a great movie. It is, however, better than Speed 2 just in the idiocy of Michael Palin's lead character, rather than the idiocy of a poor script, poor planning, poor acting, poor science...
Film 7: Death Race 2000
Probably the first real "cult hit" movie on the list, as well as a Roger Corman classic. Corman doesn't always hit it well, but when he does, he hits like a cruise ship into a dockside of people, buildings and businesses. Just a lot faster and more destructive than the one in Speed 2.
Film 8: The Phantom
By this one I do mean the Billy Zane film adapting the comic strip character. There have been other interpretations of the Phantom but this one, while not remarkable in a host of ways, is the best. Not only that, but when Treat Williams is better in a movie than Willem Dafoe, that should ring alarms. Hm. Maybe Speed 2 needed Billy Zane?
Film 9: UHF
Weird Al Yankovic trumps even the first Speed movie. Unless of course, they make a Speed 3.
Film 10: Eraserhead
Oh, come on. It's David Lynch!
Film 11: Night of the Lepus
"Giant" bunnies attacking a town and kicking aside the (toy) railroad tracks make for better movies than Sandra Bullock trying to stop a cruise ship from... what was she doing in Speed 2? Anyone?
Film 12: Red Sun
I absolutely love this movie, which alone would make it on a different list from this one, but it's not on DVD and Speed 2 is, so there's your trump. Red Sun, a weird western tale with Toshiro Mifune and Chuck Bronson that's NOT ON DVD is better than Speed 2. (Update: Red Sun was available on DVD, briefly, at about the time this was written. I still have yet to locate a copy. Even so, I'll keep it on the list just to add insult to injury.)
Film 13: Burnt Offerings
Honestly, I don't remember much about this one except as a kid, I was too scared not to watch. Certain scenes stick with me, as they scared me and a best friend at the time to the point of giggles. I think the only thing in Speed 2 that made me giggle is when I turned the volume on and listened to the dialogue.
Film 14: Godzilla versus Mothra
Godzilla is better than Jason Patric's pout, hence this entry on the list. Godzilla made more money, too.
Film 15: The Corsican Brothers
Cheech and Chong at their absolute worst! An unfunny, unrelenting bore of a movie with bad, bad, BAD jokes. And yet, it laughs at Speed 2 because it's a better film. The costume designer alone would beat Speed 2 and the speedos seen in it. Ugh!
And there you have it, fifteen movies better than Speed 2. I highly recommend all of the above as good popcorn digesters, rather than wasting time and money on the viciously awful on the eyes and ears Speed 2. Didn't think I could do it? I may do it again with another 15. Hope you liked it... I know a guy named John that did.
Film 1: Fiend Without a Face
Starring Canada's greatest actor, Marshall Thompson, this phenomenal black and white horror/sci-fi stunner has some of the most disgusting and grotesque sound effects from any movie. That says much, considering the budget. Speed 2 had a budget that dwarfed FWaF as the sun dwarfs the Earth, so that alone says we have a better film here.
Film 2: Silent Running
A seventies orphan, this overly hippie-like science fiction stars Bruce Dern in almost a solo role. As he is an actor of repute (The 'Burbs notwithstanding), that alone would make it a worthy opponent of Speed 2. Fortunately, the story is well thought out and makes you care for robots that don't speak or make much sound. Eat your heart out, Star Wars nerds.
Film 3: The Gamers
A newer indie movie, this one slays the role playing game nerd, his views and living at home with mama. Not a great movie at all, but still has humorous moments and some real actors interspersed through the rookies. It also moves at a faster pace than the entirety of Speed 2, making it a fairly superior movie just for that.
Film 4: Heavy Metal
Ah, Heavy Metal. The first time I ever saw animated boobs. Kudos to that, you get high marks and a rating that puts Speed 2 and its poor domestic take to greater shame.
Film 5: Flying Guillotine
This Chinese masterpiece probably has thirteen other titles, but this is how I saw it for the first time. I'm no cinemaphile to the degree I know everything that the Hong Kong movie studios ever did, but wow... a headless corpse can do better at acting than Jason Patric in Speed 2. Watch both, you'll agree.
Film 6: Jabberwocky
One of the many films done by members of the Monty Python crew that technically isn't Monty Python. It is also not a great movie. It is, however, better than Speed 2 just in the idiocy of Michael Palin's lead character, rather than the idiocy of a poor script, poor planning, poor acting, poor science...
Film 7: Death Race 2000
Probably the first real "cult hit" movie on the list, as well as a Roger Corman classic. Corman doesn't always hit it well, but when he does, he hits like a cruise ship into a dockside of people, buildings and businesses. Just a lot faster and more destructive than the one in Speed 2.
Film 8: The Phantom
By this one I do mean the Billy Zane film adapting the comic strip character. There have been other interpretations of the Phantom but this one, while not remarkable in a host of ways, is the best. Not only that, but when Treat Williams is better in a movie than Willem Dafoe, that should ring alarms. Hm. Maybe Speed 2 needed Billy Zane?
Film 9: UHF
Weird Al Yankovic trumps even the first Speed movie. Unless of course, they make a Speed 3.
Film 10: Eraserhead
Oh, come on. It's David Lynch!
Film 11: Night of the Lepus
"Giant" bunnies attacking a town and kicking aside the (toy) railroad tracks make for better movies than Sandra Bullock trying to stop a cruise ship from... what was she doing in Speed 2? Anyone?
Film 12: Red Sun
I absolutely love this movie, which alone would make it on a different list from this one, but it's not on DVD and Speed 2 is, so there's your trump. Red Sun, a weird western tale with Toshiro Mifune and Chuck Bronson that's NOT ON DVD is better than Speed 2. (Update: Red Sun was available on DVD, briefly, at about the time this was written. I still have yet to locate a copy. Even so, I'll keep it on the list just to add insult to injury.)
Film 13: Burnt Offerings
Honestly, I don't remember much about this one except as a kid, I was too scared not to watch. Certain scenes stick with me, as they scared me and a best friend at the time to the point of giggles. I think the only thing in Speed 2 that made me giggle is when I turned the volume on and listened to the dialogue.
Film 14: Godzilla versus Mothra
Godzilla is better than Jason Patric's pout, hence this entry on the list. Godzilla made more money, too.
Film 15: The Corsican Brothers
Cheech and Chong at their absolute worst! An unfunny, unrelenting bore of a movie with bad, bad, BAD jokes. And yet, it laughs at Speed 2 because it's a better film. The costume designer alone would beat Speed 2 and the speedos seen in it. Ugh!
And there you have it, fifteen movies better than Speed 2. I highly recommend all of the above as good popcorn digesters, rather than wasting time and money on the viciously awful on the eyes and ears Speed 2. Didn't think I could do it? I may do it again with another 15. Hope you liked it... I know a guy named John that did.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Cartoon History
I had a recent conversation with someone that sparked some thoughts on one of my favorite pastimes, watching good animated programs. One of the best, in my learned opinion, was that of the original Jonny Quest series from the sixties. Now, I admit that there have been many shows with superior animation, as technology has changed considerably since the airing of this aged series. Still, very, very few have come close to the style, storytelling or sheer voice talent lent to the characters. Why is it, that after all these years, the show continues to air in repeats, continues to spawn updated (and far inferior) versions, continues to resonate in ways unlike other cartoons of that or any era? Essentially, everyone that watches it, especially boys and the men they become, are captivated right from the first beatings of the kettle drum intro. The theme of Jonny Quest will always be one of the best themes in television history, mainly because it's an original score, whereas many shows of today are hoisted from existing tracks of music or even just licensed outright. The bizarre sci-fi meets espionage leanings add to the interest, the manly Race Bannon being our All-American, James Bond mockup, the brainy scientist Benton Quest making no bones about creating projects for the government, all the while shooting a few baddies to help out Race just icing on the cake.
Maybe not every kid watching wanted to be Jonny exactly, his extreme blond hair a bit much for some, I'm sure. I have no doubt many had no problems wanting to be in Jonny's shoes, though. Having a kooky Indian buddy that not only could laugh in the face of danger, he had tricks no one else could do -- that helped a lot. The dog? Maybe annoying, but not everyone could have a dog, so what's not to like about that? Dad took you and your plucky friend all over the bloody world, for crying out loud! Sure, what young boy wouldn't want to be Jonny, even for just one day?
The show had some failings, though they are quaint, in their way. The hokey ways the two intrepid boys got involved in their capers was sometimes a bit... taxing. The animation could be a little stiff in places and sometimes slightly off in others, but damn, did it look good being slightly off! The skewed moral code of some of the characters is certainly amusing (I didn't build the Parapower Ray as a weapon, but I'll use it as one with no issues or repercussions, thank you) and the lack of a completed feel to the show is sad but doesn't detract in any serious fashion.
I wish I could attach a file with the theme song but it seems most have been pulled from the net. You can pay for it, of course... but I'm a cheap bastard. So go watch on YouTube... or watch your neighbor's cable.
Maybe not every kid watching wanted to be Jonny exactly, his extreme blond hair a bit much for some, I'm sure. I have no doubt many had no problems wanting to be in Jonny's shoes, though. Having a kooky Indian buddy that not only could laugh in the face of danger, he had tricks no one else could do -- that helped a lot. The dog? Maybe annoying, but not everyone could have a dog, so what's not to like about that? Dad took you and your plucky friend all over the bloody world, for crying out loud! Sure, what young boy wouldn't want to be Jonny, even for just one day?
The show had some failings, though they are quaint, in their way. The hokey ways the two intrepid boys got involved in their capers was sometimes a bit... taxing. The animation could be a little stiff in places and sometimes slightly off in others, but damn, did it look good being slightly off! The skewed moral code of some of the characters is certainly amusing (I didn't build the Parapower Ray as a weapon, but I'll use it as one with no issues or repercussions, thank you) and the lack of a completed feel to the show is sad but doesn't detract in any serious fashion.
I wish I could attach a file with the theme song but it seems most have been pulled from the net. You can pay for it, of course... but I'm a cheap bastard. So go watch on YouTube... or watch your neighbor's cable.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Music
I've had a few days to consider certain aspects of what makes the days pass for me (the revelation of the fact SPEED 2 is a crappy movie notwithstanding) and as I sit here punching in YouTube searches and listening to obscurities in my CD (yes, no Ipod here) collection, I realize that music makes the days just that much more sweet. Or, as the case has been for me of late, just that much less of a train wreck.
Listening to music that you find entertaining or enjoyable or even just passable as listenable can make even the most dark day somewhat lighter. Hell, even poking sly fun at another's musical tastes can be fun, mostly because we all know we have that one band or musician that we enjoy that is probably on someone else's list of artists to be mocked.
I've been bouncing around the spectrum tonight alone, though I have a few particular speaker killing bands I like to play to lift my spirits, blow off some steam or even just plain scream at the sky... although I don't think either Van Morrison or Robert Mitchum's Calypso songs are of that ilk.
In my rather unfocused searches, I've logged in to watch and listen to everything from good old Bon Scott AC/DC, Uriah Heep, The Beach Boys, The Sweet, Budgie, Wishbone Ash, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem and some band called Flogging Molly that seems to speak to me like no other. Watching some of the old, scratchy and definitely bootlegged vids of some of these bands amuses me to no end, considering a good measure of some of these guys are dead or retired. Some of the sounds these guys came up with are so awesome and ear shattering it gets your blood boiling, wanting to see more, hear more. A live band can bring so much energy and dare I say happiness to those giving their attention that it in itself can be something special to behold. Just give a listen to some Humble Pie and discover the mastery of Steve Marriott. Check out the dual lead guitars of Wishbone Ash, a band ahead of their time. See how a skinny, Scots bastard can play bagpipes in a Rock band and slay those around him! It's enough to make you weep with joy, if you're a softie. Now, I can't say the glam look and sound of The Sweet is for everyone, hell, they all look like they're in drag, really. They do have a singular sound, though. So what if Dr. Teeth isn't flesh and blood? Three quarters of the singers on stage now can be considered the same. Well, not Avril. She's got "FUCK" tattooed on her belly.
Still, there is some great stuff to really get you cranking, be it blues, rock, metal, folk, punk or country... or even hip hop, gods of mercy help you...
I suggest digging out some great stuff whenever you feel blue, angry, aggrivated and frustrated. Stuff that gets you motivated. Stuff that makes things moving forward when it all seems dead in the water. I like to blast bagpipes, such as those found in the Red Hot Chilli Pipers (bless you, BagRock!) or grungy blues like the houserocking style of Hound Dog Taylor. Things that make the windows rattle and cry out in pain when I play them repeatedly. I think my last set of speakers gave up when I let loose with a day long play of early ZZ Top. The current pair would never survive what I'd do to them with that Clash collection I have!
So this meandering jumble of nothing needs to end. Anyone have any suggestions to destroy my eardrums with? And please, no Mannheim Steamroller jokes.
Listening to music that you find entertaining or enjoyable or even just passable as listenable can make even the most dark day somewhat lighter. Hell, even poking sly fun at another's musical tastes can be fun, mostly because we all know we have that one band or musician that we enjoy that is probably on someone else's list of artists to be mocked.
I've been bouncing around the spectrum tonight alone, though I have a few particular speaker killing bands I like to play to lift my spirits, blow off some steam or even just plain scream at the sky... although I don't think either Van Morrison or Robert Mitchum's Calypso songs are of that ilk.
In my rather unfocused searches, I've logged in to watch and listen to everything from good old Bon Scott AC/DC, Uriah Heep, The Beach Boys, The Sweet, Budgie, Wishbone Ash, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem and some band called Flogging Molly that seems to speak to me like no other. Watching some of the old, scratchy and definitely bootlegged vids of some of these bands amuses me to no end, considering a good measure of some of these guys are dead or retired. Some of the sounds these guys came up with are so awesome and ear shattering it gets your blood boiling, wanting to see more, hear more. A live band can bring so much energy and dare I say happiness to those giving their attention that it in itself can be something special to behold. Just give a listen to some Humble Pie and discover the mastery of Steve Marriott. Check out the dual lead guitars of Wishbone Ash, a band ahead of their time. See how a skinny, Scots bastard can play bagpipes in a Rock band and slay those around him! It's enough to make you weep with joy, if you're a softie. Now, I can't say the glam look and sound of The Sweet is for everyone, hell, they all look like they're in drag, really. They do have a singular sound, though. So what if Dr. Teeth isn't flesh and blood? Three quarters of the singers on stage now can be considered the same. Well, not Avril. She's got "FUCK" tattooed on her belly.
Still, there is some great stuff to really get you cranking, be it blues, rock, metal, folk, punk or country... or even hip hop, gods of mercy help you...
I suggest digging out some great stuff whenever you feel blue, angry, aggrivated and frustrated. Stuff that gets you motivated. Stuff that makes things moving forward when it all seems dead in the water. I like to blast bagpipes, such as those found in the Red Hot Chilli Pipers (bless you, BagRock!) or grungy blues like the houserocking style of Hound Dog Taylor. Things that make the windows rattle and cry out in pain when I play them repeatedly. I think my last set of speakers gave up when I let loose with a day long play of early ZZ Top. The current pair would never survive what I'd do to them with that Clash collection I have!
So this meandering jumble of nothing needs to end. Anyone have any suggestions to destroy my eardrums with? And please, no Mannheim Steamroller jokes.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Gods of Mercy, NO! Say it isn't so!
This is the first day of the month of July, a month I shall now dub "Speed 2 Month". In this, once a week, I shall post a missive on the variables that make Speed 2 the crappiest film of ALL TIME. I'll save the first in-depth post until after the upcoming holiday, just to save a few brain cells from frying. I will though, roast a few more of my own watching this so-called movie one more time just to refamiliarize myself with its craptastic plot and amazingly inept acting. I may even repost an old writeup on 15 better things to do than watch than Speed 2.
Why do this, you ask? Why spend so much time and bandwidth on a terrible movie? I wish for it NEVER TO HAPPEN AGAIN. Sadly, many of Hollywood films haven't taken the hint yet and come dangerously close to being as bad (Indy 4, anyone?) but that doesn't give us the right to lose vigilance and annoy every person around us in reminding them how bad this movie... these movies... are. I'm also a bit of a bastard and like to piss off a particular friend of mine who once claimed he enjoyed this farce of celluloid magic. Mr. Amenta, you may stand and take a bow.
Okay, I'm more than a bit of a bastard, I'm a right ornery one. All in good fun, though.
To review: July, SPEED 2 month. Reviews, complaints, facts and trivia imminent. Sir Jon: Bit of a bastard. Blogging: Pretty much spewing shite out of the mouth. Enjoy it.
Sir Jon
7*1*2011
P.S. All for you, John.
Why do this, you ask? Why spend so much time and bandwidth on a terrible movie? I wish for it NEVER TO HAPPEN AGAIN. Sadly, many of Hollywood films haven't taken the hint yet and come dangerously close to being as bad (Indy 4, anyone?) but that doesn't give us the right to lose vigilance and annoy every person around us in reminding them how bad this movie... these movies... are. I'm also a bit of a bastard and like to piss off a particular friend of mine who once claimed he enjoyed this farce of celluloid magic. Mr. Amenta, you may stand and take a bow.
Okay, I'm more than a bit of a bastard, I'm a right ornery one. All in good fun, though.
To review: July, SPEED 2 month. Reviews, complaints, facts and trivia imminent. Sir Jon: Bit of a bastard. Blogging: Pretty much spewing shite out of the mouth. Enjoy it.
Sir Jon
7*1*2011
P.S. All for you, John.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
The Connecticut Beer Trail
Three days in and already two of my topics regard a lovely, bottled craft that folk like me will never stray far from. What can I say, it's "Social Media Day" and I aim to draw a little attention towards a fine organization called the Connecticut Beer Trail.
Let's start simple. Many states, places, areas, counties and probably even municipalities have great focus on another fine beverage: wine. There are wine trails, literally trails of vineyards, wineries, fine wine sellers and makers in many of the aforementioned, most even stamped out on maps for the curiosity seeker or aficionado. A lot of these wine trails are funded by federal grants or state monies to assist in the possible added income from out-of-area vacationers. Basically, your tax bucks at work. Some places have gone a bit further in this idea, in that some people just Don't Like Wine. For these DLW'ers, they've created trails that are more to their liking, such as bourbon trails or candy trails or moonshine trails (well, maybe not moonshine). Then of course, is that elusive Beer Trail. Beer. The "working man's drink." I'm not sure if I subscribe to that particular description, I just know that Beer = Good.
So Connecticut has a wine trail. It shouldn't be a surprise, there are a rising amount of vineyards and wineries all across the U.S. Why then, as there is a great amount of small label beer companies, home brewers and beer lovers of all walks of life, should there not be a beer trail in the Nutmeg State? Bryon Turner thought so, going as far as to create a fantastic website for all of us beer lovers and makers, beer sellers and tappers. Over at the CT Beer Trail (http://ctbeertrail.net/) you can link in to great events, tales of woe, tales of success, brewmaking excellence, pubs with extremely good beers, fun chats and occasionally, notes regarding the State of Connecticut recognizing the CT Beer Trail as a potential draw to the state itself. Oh, revenue and the almight dollar, curse your inevitible focus on good beer! Success is a many armed beast! The beer drinking Connecticut masses will... drink with you and welcome you with open arms!
In all seriousness (with a smirk) the CT Beer Trail is a great organization with many fine points. It is good to know most of the representatives of the state agree and want to make the trail as actualized as the wine trails have become. I can heartily recommend to all fans of good beer to head on over, join up and become a trailblazer of a new type. You'll like it, have fun and probably discover a good new beer or five.
Consider this the first Public Service Message of A Leaf on the Wind. It won't be the last.
Let's start simple. Many states, places, areas, counties and probably even municipalities have great focus on another fine beverage: wine. There are wine trails, literally trails of vineyards, wineries, fine wine sellers and makers in many of the aforementioned, most even stamped out on maps for the curiosity seeker or aficionado. A lot of these wine trails are funded by federal grants or state monies to assist in the possible added income from out-of-area vacationers. Basically, your tax bucks at work. Some places have gone a bit further in this idea, in that some people just Don't Like Wine. For these DLW'ers, they've created trails that are more to their liking, such as bourbon trails or candy trails or moonshine trails (well, maybe not moonshine). Then of course, is that elusive Beer Trail. Beer. The "working man's drink." I'm not sure if I subscribe to that particular description, I just know that Beer = Good.
So Connecticut has a wine trail. It shouldn't be a surprise, there are a rising amount of vineyards and wineries all across the U.S. Why then, as there is a great amount of small label beer companies, home brewers and beer lovers of all walks of life, should there not be a beer trail in the Nutmeg State? Bryon Turner thought so, going as far as to create a fantastic website for all of us beer lovers and makers, beer sellers and tappers. Over at the CT Beer Trail (http://ctbeertrail.net/) you can link in to great events, tales of woe, tales of success, brewmaking excellence, pubs with extremely good beers, fun chats and occasionally, notes regarding the State of Connecticut recognizing the CT Beer Trail as a potential draw to the state itself. Oh, revenue and the almight dollar, curse your inevitible focus on good beer! Success is a many armed beast! The beer drinking Connecticut masses will... drink with you and welcome you with open arms!
In all seriousness (with a smirk) the CT Beer Trail is a great organization with many fine points. It is good to know most of the representatives of the state agree and want to make the trail as actualized as the wine trails have become. I can heartily recommend to all fans of good beer to head on over, join up and become a trailblazer of a new type. You'll like it, have fun and probably discover a good new beer or five.
Consider this the first Public Service Message of A Leaf on the Wind. It won't be the last.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Beer
I'm out of beer. In Hovelhouse, that's not something that's usually said. It's not entirely true, either. In the fridge there are a few castoffs from gatherings past, such as that lone Heineken Light that inexplicably showed up here with a few others once. Next to it, resting it's laurels against an old jar of jelly, is a can of Keystone Light that I can attribute to at least one fellow reveler, He Who Drinks the Keystone by the Case. Why it's still in there is beyond me. Just a bottle away is an abandoned Red Stripe that has probably sat in there for the better part of two years. The last of a case, I'd chosen not to drink any more of that brand about half way through. It reminds me why and I hope it never leaves the fridge. Then there's that bizarre Christmas Ale that showed up from some recent dropoff. I recall it being popular 15-odd years ago. I wonder if it's actually that old or not. I don't aim to find out. There is a fine bottle of New Glarus Moon Man, a Wisconsin drink that I'm waiting for a specific time to quaff, as it is my last New Glarus of any type until March of 2012, provided the world doesn't crack in half. New Glarus if a great brewery and should be sampled by all traveling through Cheesehead country. Way back, behind the old ketchup that needs to be tossed is the fine pairing of Seagrams Blue Something-or-other, a girly drink purchased around six (yes, SIX) years ago for, well, the girls. I wonder if it feels just as unwanted as the Smirnoff Raspberry Ice it's been mated to for the better part of four years.
Yes, there is no beer of worth in Hovelhouse at the moment. There is plenty of Woodchuck Cider though, which I have already consumed in twos. I need to, you see. I need to make room for the beer to come. There is, after all, a holiday weekend on the horizon.
Skol!
Yes, there is no beer of worth in Hovelhouse at the moment. There is plenty of Woodchuck Cider though, which I have already consumed in twos. I need to, you see. I need to make room for the beer to come. There is, after all, a holiday weekend on the horizon.
Skol!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Watch Me Soar
I caved. I have big plans, most of them not involving a (as I can barely speak the term) BLOG. Still, after much, much, much, MUCH deliberation, I have swallowed the remaining pride of my soul and decided to get my lonely self a BLOG. As was a previous endeavour, I call this "A Leaf on the Wind," in deference to a particular phrase from a particularly favorite film character. Some of you may get it, some of you may have read the posts of that previous endeavour. This may be similar, an experiment of the mind, a soapbox of the minutiae of life, a crass plug for a friend. Whatever it may be at any given point, feel free to speak your piece after each of mine. Expect an argument.
Welcome. Beware. It won't always be a pretty thing. Then again, neither is roadkill.
Jon Johnson (Sir)
10:31 PM EST
Welcome. Beware. It won't always be a pretty thing. Then again, neither is roadkill.
Jon Johnson (Sir)
10:31 PM EST
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